Sunday night ramblings

I was about ready to head off to bed ten minutes or so ago when I realised I probably still had too much going on in my head. I had a sudden strong urge to write, so here I am, with nothing in particular to say. After my previous post(Um-ing and Ah-ing), I did a whole lot of thinking. I also had breakfast and a great chat with my Buddy Tama, which really helped me to see things in a different light. It helped me to see a little spark again, to realise that I'd lost sight of what dancing was all about for me. I had a sense that I really haven't given it a proper go yet, that I haven't really given it all my heart and soul for a consistent period in order to see where I can really go with it. I do believe that, as I suggested may have been the case in the aforementioned post, a large part of the reason for my ill feeling towards the whole thing may have been fear. It is probably quite a natural and common phenomenon in an artform so geared towards satisfying others that one can become so hung up on what others think that when others seem to be unimpressed by what one is doing, one becomes somewhat, well, fed up. I had a realisation that this was the case and if I am to continue dancing, the way forward is with awareness of, and great vigilance against this. I have to do it all for myself, remained focussed on what I am doing, and why.
This in itself seems a great reason to go on, to prove to myself that I can do it, the overcoming of a great obstacle. I thought maybe I should give it one more year, a year where I really turn up the heat and give it all I've got. If, at the end of such a year, I'm still not feeling it, at least I'll know I gave it my all. That'll also give me a year to think about other options and hopefully do some planning. So that's the plan. ( I shan't claim responsibility for this as it was suggested to me by my wonderful

Mum

, who always knows what to say to make me feel better. Call me a Mummy's Boy if you like, you'd be too if you had a Mum like mine!)
I did, earlier, have a little moment. When looking over my visa application once more now that it is almost ready to be submitted, and looking once more over the costs, I had a little flipout. It went somewhere along the lines of, "Oh for F*#^'s sake this is ridiculous, I'm going to be F*$@!*g broke again, I'm sick of this f&@$#*g S*@t, why does it always have to be like this, I might as well just F@$#&*g give up", and so on, and so forth. Pitiful. You can be truly grateful you missed it. Lisa wasn't so lucky.
So that was that. We had a lovely Sunday other than that. The day started with a City Cat ride over to the Botanical Gardens and a lovely walk around said gardens in the sunshine. Many photographs of sun dappled flowers were taken, including a picture of some of the first Frangipanis of the year. I would love to post these photos for you but sadly, as you have no doubt already heard me mention, they do not make the photo-on-blog-publishing-software for mac. Ah well, I'll have to look into other options. I do know that my good friend

Andrew

has recently taken to posting photos on flickr, I'll have to have a look and see if that is Mac friendly. After the Botanical Gardens, we wandered across the Goodwill Bridge into Southbank where we dined on some very fine fish and chips, something I've been craving for the best part of this week. We then did some grocery shopping, came home and changed before going to work for a memorial concert for the Boss' Mother who sadly passed away about a week ago. She was, apparently, a Lady who loved art, especially dance, music and literature. It was therefore a very sweet and fitting way to celebrate her life, having a small performance of some music, dance, and readings from pieces she had written herself.
After that, it was a pretty uneventful evening, other than my little tantrum.
It is now after midnight, what has recently become a time that I am enjoying more and more frequently. I always loved it, the peace and quiet. Going out on the balcony and looking at the lights in the distance, the stars in the night sky and hearing little other than the noise of animals. The steady, rhythmic chirping of the crickets punctuated by the occasional squeak of a bat or possum, all underlined by the steady, low hum of the city. I should really be in bed, especially as I have to get up on time tomorrow for my appointment with a piece of cold metal pressed against my naked chest. Yes folks, I couldn't think of a better way to start the day! I probably won't make it to work tomorrow due to my numerous visa-related appointments, starting with the x-ray to check for T.B.(what did you think I was talking about?), closely followed by a visit with Brucey to look over my application and supporting evidence in order to see if it's all in good shape. Once that's done, and the blood letting, sorry, taking on Thursday, and follow up medical the following Tuesday, the application can go off and it's all in the hands of fate. At last.
Ok, I really should get off to bed now, after just one little moment of quiet reflection on the balcony. I will write again soon, love and peace to you all xxxxx