Apathy

Hey Guys. Sorry I haven't been on for a while, I haven't felt I've really had anything meaningful to say, nor have I had the head to sit and blog. Not that anything's been wrong though, everything's been peachy. Until today. The day started great, I felt good, in good form, like every other day recently. Went to work. Had a slightly irritating day, but no more irritating than any other day for the last few weeks. Then, on the way home, it hit. Apathy. I got home, lay on the couch and watched Scrubs, episode after episode after episode. I couldn't even be arsed to eat dinner. How do I feel? God, I really couldn't say, and I sure as hell couldn't say why. Just like the other week everything was inexplicably great, all of a sudden it's not. I'm well aware that the shift is wholly mental, and I'm also aware that I'm pretty likely to wake up tomorrow morning feeling fine again. But then maybe not. See I know this feeling. It starts off small, you just feel kind of pissed off and fed up and ask yourself what the point is, why you bother. You know you should fight the feeling, that it's a downward spiral that can last for months if you leave it unchecked, but you give in because right now you just can't be arsed fighting it. And there's the killer. Because every day you leave it, it gets a little worse, and the worse it gets, the less you can be bothered to fight it. And it's so ridiculous. I used to let it swamp me, and may well do so this time too, even though I can look at it and see so very clearly that it's preposterous. It's a drama that has no place in my life. I have a great life with very comfortable circumstances, I have a job which I always wanted to be doing, with almost endless possibilties for self improvement, yet there seems to be a switch in me that can be flicked to 'self destruct' in a heartbeat.
And you know what else? It bores me. I bore me, and that only contributes to the ill feeling. I can't be bothered to write about this, I shouldn't be dignifying it. I'm sorry Guys. And don't worry about me, I'm fine. Maybe we all just need to hit rock bottom once in a while, and when there's no good reason to do so something deep inside triggers and we create our own downward spiral out of nothing. I hope you're all well. xxxxx